How will we make time for ourselves as individuals?
Me, myself & I
New parents often feel guilty about taking time for themselves, but it's important to remember that self-care isn't selfish; it's crucial for maintaining your wellbeing, supporting your relationship with each other, and being the best parents that you can be for your little one.
By discussing your needs and worries openly, you can support each other and find a healthy balance between being parents and individuals.
This might seem impossible during your first few weeks with a new baby, and, honestly, what might be most realistic is simply being able to take some time to relax or have a long shower. Once you both feel like you're starting to get the hang of things, you can carve out more time for hobbies and going out with friends.
Discussing what you need
Talk about what's most important for you to recharge and feel your best. Everyone has different ways to practice self-care. For some, it might be exercising, like yoga or running. For others, it could be reading, taking a warm bath, or meditating.
Come to this conversation with the understanding that while it's crucial to make time for yourselves as individuals, the amount of time you'll have will not be the same as it was before you had a baby.
Discuss whether you want to try and schedule recurring blocks of personal time, take it one week at a time, or adopt a mix of these approaches.
Communicating consistently
Good communication is essential to all strong relationships, and it'll be even more important when you have a baby. You'll need to let each other know when you want to carve out personal time so the other person can plan accordingly.
Plans can also change quickly with a new baby. Be flexible and understanding if "me time" needs to be rescheduled or shortened because of the baby's needs. The key is to communicate openly and work as a team to ensure that both of you can take care of yourselves.
Supporting each other
It'll be important for you to support each other in taking time for yourselves individually. Talk about what this might look like. For example, you could take turns watching the baby for a period so the other can get some extra sleep, exercise, or meet up with friends. You can also ask for help from family, friends, and trusted babysitters.
This is also a good time to reflect on your relationship dynamics. If either of you is not as forthcoming about what you need or more prone to picking up chores at the expense of your "me time" - now's the time to talk about this!
Asking for & accepting help
If you need extra help to get some me time, consider asking family or friends to watch your baby or hiring a babysitter or other professional help. Leaving your baby might be hard, but taking time for yourself is essential.
A trusted caregiver can allow you to relax, pursue hobbies, or enjoy some quiet time. Even a few hours can help you recharge.
Being flexible & understanding
Some weeks, finding personal time will be more challenging than others. Remember to be flexible and understanding with each other. This will be a temporary stage in your lives - just like your baby will be learning and growing, so will you be as parents.
Moreover, your needs and your family dynamics will continue to evolve as your baby grows. What works for you in the early weeks and months of parenthood may change as your child develops and your responsibilities shift.
This is why it's essential to keep the lines of communication open and to regularly check in with each other about your individual well-being and the support you need to thrive as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.
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