What are the values we want to pass on?
Values serve as a compass
They guide our behavior, decisions, and actions and help us navigate complex situations. Our values are influenced by our upbringing, education, life experiences, and cultural and religious background, and they're often deeply ingrained by the time we're adults - even if we haven't been intentional about this.
As expecting parents, it's important to talk about the values you want to pass on to your child. Discussing what matters to both of you can create a strong foundation for your family, helping you stay on the same page about raising your child and preventing conflicts later. These shared values will also guide you in important decisions, like choosing a school or setting rules.
Identifying your values
Reflect on your upbringing
Think about the values your parents and caregivers taught you as a child. Consider the lessons you learned, both good and bad, and how they shaped who you are today. Reflecting on your past can help you decide which values you want to keep and which you'd like to leave behind as you raise your child.
Consider cultural & societal influences
Your personal values are not formed in a vacuum; they are heavily influenced by the cultural, religious, and societal contexts in which you were raised. Take time to consider how these factors have shaped your beliefs and priorities.
Reflect on the traditions, customs, and teachings that have been passed down through generations in your family and community. Think about the role that your faith or spiritual beliefs may play in guiding your values. Finally, consider the societal norms and expectations that have influenced your perspective on what is important in life.
Think about your day-to-day
Notice the principles that guide your everyday choices. Think about qualities you admire in others, like honesty or kindness, and how you want to embody those traits. Reflect on your goals for yourself and your family and the values that support them. By understanding the values that already shape your actions, you can more easily identify which ones to focus on as a parent.
Creating a shared vision
Think about your family in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years, and so forth. What do you hope to see? What kind of lives are you leading?
What are the values that will help your family achieve this vision? What values will help your child navigate challenges, build strong relationships, and lead a fulfilling life?
By discussing your values today and the values that will help you build the life you want, you can identify the shared values that will be the foundation of your relationship. These will guide you in raising your child.
You might notice differences in opinions or priorities as you compare your values and find common ground. This is normal in any relationship, so it's important to approach these differences with an open mind. Talk about areas where you might need to compromise, like balancing family time with personal interests or deciding on religious beliefs in your child's upbringing. By being flexible and willing to find a middle ground, you can create a supportive environment for your child to thrive.
Being a role model
As a parent, one of the best ways to teach values to your child is by showing them through your own actions. Children watch what their parents do and often copy those behaviors. If you want to instill values like kindness and compassion, demonstrate these qualities in how you interact with others—your partner, family, and even strangers. When your child sees you being respectful and empathetic, they're more likely to adopt those values.
Incorporating values into family life
To reinforce your values, make them a part of your family's daily life and traditions. Create rituals that reflect your values, like volunteering together to encourage generosity or having weekly family dinners where everyone shares their day. Use everyday moments to discuss values, too. For example, while reading a bedtime story, point out characters who show courage or honesty and talk about those qualities with your child.
Giving age-appropriate guidance
As your child grows, it's important to guide them in making choices that reflect your family's values. Discuss these issues with them when they face tough situations or moral dilemmas. For younger children, keep explanations simple—like why sharing toys is important. For older kids, have deeper conversations about values and real-life situations, such as dealing with peer pressure. You help them develop a strong moral compass by providing guidance suited to their age.
Maintaining an open dialogue
Children are naturally curious and may question or doubt certain values as they grow older. New experiences and influences may also fuel these questions and doubts.
Nurture an atmosphere of openness and understanding rather than shutting down these inquiries or enforcing a rigid set of beliefs. Encourage your child to express their thoughts and listen actively to their concerns or questions.
Moreover, you may find that your values evolve or take on new meanings in light of your experiences as parents. By maintaining open and honest communication, you can ensure that your values remain aligned and that you're actively working towards creating the nurturing and supportive environment you envision for your child.
Ultimately, the goal of imparting values is not to create a carbon copy of yourself. The goal is to equip your child with the tools and guidance they need to develop their moral compass. By approaching this process with patience, consistency, and open communication, you can help your child build a strong foundation of values that will serve them well throughout life.
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