Home sweet home

Deciding where you want to raise your family isn’t just about the place itself; it's about finding a home that fits your vision, priorities, and goals. This decision will shape your family's future, influencing your child's upbringing, education, and overall quality of life. It's where your child will take their first steps, make lifelong friends, and discover their passions. 

You may already live where you both want to bring up your family, or you may know where you plan to move. Or - if you're like us - you may know you want to move, but you're unsure where. If you're in this third category, this article will be most helpful for you.

Real talk

This was a tough discussion for me! Jobs had primarily guided my previous moves, and I'd never had to factor other people into my decision-making. We also ried to jump right into identifying and ranking what was important to us in a spreadsheet, and it felt soulless to me.

So, we took a step back and discussed our vision for our family. It was mushy, heartwarming, and lovely - exactly what I needed to get excited about a spreadsheet and find meaning behind what was in there.

Of course, you don't need to use a spreadsheet! A simple pen and paper work perfectly.

Discussing your vision

What do you see when you imagine your family five, ten, or even fifteen years from now?

Are you close to family and friends? How do you spend your days? What kind of job do you have? Are you living in an apartment or a house? Is your environment urban, surrounded by nature, or a mix of both? Who are your neighbors?

What kind of education is your child receiving? How do they spend their time?

Are you near cultural activities like the arts, sports, music, and theater? Do you have access to a variety of restaurants?

Reflecting on these questions can help you clarify your vision, priorities, and goals. You may find your answers are not that different to what they were before a baby was in the picture. Or you may find they are completely different. Or some of your answers may be different but others are the same.

Considering practical factors

‍Proximity to family & friends

A strong support system is essential when raising a child; being near family and friends can make a big difference. These relationships can offer practical assistance and emotional support as you navigate the ups and downs of parenthood together.

However, while being close to loved ones is valuable, it’s not the only factor in your decision. If career opportunities or lifestyle choices lead you to a place farther from family, you can still maintain strong connections through regular video calls, visits, and by building a support network in your new community.

Career opportunities

Look into the opportunities you'll have for career growth and advancement. Are there industries or companies that match your skills and goals? Would moving to a new city or region create exciting opportunities for your professional development?

Cost of living

Look at expenses like housing, food, childcare, and transportation. While some locations may have a higher cost of living, they may also offer better job opportunities, higher salaries, or a more robust education system. 

On the other hand, areas with a lower cost of living may give you more financial flexibility, allowing you to save for your child's future or pursue personal interests.

As you discuss your options, be open about your financial goals and limitations, and work together to find a location that meets your family's needs while staying within your budget.

If you want to discuss how you’ll budget for a baby, check out our article on this topic.

Education system

For many parents, education is a key factor when deciding where to raise a family. Think about the kind of educational environment you want for your child and whether the available options in the locations that you’re considering match your values and expectations.

Look into the reputation of local school districts, the resources they make available to students, and their overall academic performance.

Also, consider the availability of daycare, preschools, and extracurricular activities. These early learning experiences can significantly impact your child's development and offer opportunities for socialization and exploration. 

Safety & crime rates

Feeling safe and secure in your home is vital for your peace of mind and your child's well-being. Research the safety of each neighborhood and city you’re considering, looking into crime rates for both property and violent crimes. 

Lifestyle & community

Do you imagine living in a vibrant urban area full of cultural opportunities and diverse experiences? Or do you dream of a suburban home with spacious backyards, excellent schools, and a friendly community? Perhaps you prefer the tranquility and natural beauty of a rural setting, where your child can explore and connect with nature.

Consider the community's diversity, cultural offerings, and overall atmosphere. Reflect on what it would be like for your child to grow up there and the kinds of experiences you want them to have.

Making a list of what matters

Once you've talked through all of this, make a list of your top priorities and rank them in order of importance to help narrow down your search. 

‍Navigating any differences

It’s okay if some of your priorities are different from each other as long as there are areas in which you’re both willing to compromise. The idea is to build a shared vision for your family together.

When answering this question, we found it helpful to discuss whether we plan to move again at some point(s) over the next few years or if we want to plant roots for the foreseeable future. Better understanding whether a compromise would be for the short or long term can help identify the areas where you’re willing to compromise.

Of course, unforeseen circumstances can occur, and it's helpful to remember this when planning.

Comparing potential locations

Next, start jotting down places that have crossed your mind as possible options. You can use online resources like city comparison tools to gather information on crime rates, school rankings, and community resources.

City comparison tools: 

• US Cost of Living Calculator (Nerdwallet)
• Global Current Cost of Living Index (Numbeo) 
• Compare Climate and Weather Globally (Weather Spark)
• Where Might I Live in the US

You can also talk to friends and family who live in different places and share your vision, priorities, and goals to gain insights that research and numbers alone may not provide.

Even for a topic like education, for example, it may seem like a school ranking should give you all the information you need, but you'll probably also want to look into things like what kind of pressure there is on students to excel and whether bullying is a problem.

Visiting potential locations

‍Once you've narrowed your list of potential locations, plan visits to get a firsthand experience of the area. Explore neighborhoods, visit schools, and interact with locals to get a sense of the overall vibe and whether you can see your family thriving there.

If possible, visit during different times of the year to understand the impact of seasonal changes on your decision. This includes the weather, but also, for example, a college town like Durham may feel different when people are in school than when they are not.

Finding your future home

You might find the perfect location, but if you don't, that's okay too. By working together, you'll find a place that meets your family's needs and many of your individual needs. Hopefully, all of you will grow to love your home over time.

It’s a good idea to check in regularly to see how well your home meets your family and individual needs. If, after some time, one of you is unhappy or feels like they would thrive elsewhere, it might be time to consider changes.